“Ah! Woe to me! If only I had never taken so-and-so as a friend!…”

Ibn Jama’ah said:

“So, it is upon the student of knowledge to abandon socialization, as abandoning it is from the most important things that the student of knowledge must do – let alone with members of the opposite gender – especially with those who spend most of their time in play, and spend little of their time in thought, as the nature of individuals can rob you.

The harms of socialization include the passing of life without any benefit, as well as the decline of wealth and religious practice, if this socialization were to occur with the wrong people.

The student of knowledge should not mix except with either those who he can benefit, or can benefit from. And if he is offered the friendship of one who will waste his time with him, will not benefit him, will not benefit from him, and will not assist him in reaching his objective, he should politely end the relationship from the start before it progresses to something deeper, as when something becomes established, it becomes more difficult to change it. There is a phrase that is constantly on the tongues of the Fuqaha’: ‘Repelling something is easier than removing it.’

So, if he requires someone to befriend, let that person be righteous, religious, pious, wary, intelligent, full of benefit, having little evil, good at complying, rarely conflicting, reminding him if he forgets, cooperating with him when he is reminded, helpful if he is in need, and comforting if he is in distress.”

[‘Tadhkirat as-Sami’ wal-Mutakallim’; p. 83]

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2 Responses to “Ah! Woe to me! If only I had never taken so-and-so as a friend!…”

  1. Ya 3mm says:

    jazkallahu khair,
    these words are so true, socialising is a waste of time, alhamdulillah i dont have many friends. its true about befirneding an intelligent person, i find it hard to get on with people with low IQ, may allah increast them in Ilm. its maybe to do with my patience,
    in not speaking about degrees here, just intelligence level,
    I read something about ibn al jawzi, cant place which book it was in, he used to have many guests come over, so he realsied that he was unable to write so much and it was wasitng his time, so whenever he had guests he would nt speak much so that they would leave sooner, and he also took in fewer guests,
    i gues his usluub payed off, he authored hundrends and hundreds of books,

  2. Muslim says:

    yes iv herd this narration, the salaf where very strict with there time.

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